The Imperial Cyclops Wears NO Loincloth!
by Jonathan Jay on 9 January 2007 Revision 1.1
Gentleperson,
With all the negative spin in the main stream liberal corporate mental puree zombie mindfuck major media today, perhaps it is time for a fresh look at current affairs.
Consider this fresh and different view:
Instead of feeling disheartened by the new(sic) "Urge to Surge", that sick feeling in your stomach that oft portends impending Gurge -- know too that this shall pass! New Hope swells in my chest that i have never felt till this day! And I want to share it with you! And thats not all! I bet my short and curlies all Red Bloodied Americans (without erectile dysfunction) can also feel that heat from the Bagdad streets and the depths of their loins, a
Bold, a Brave, A New Direction! Yes, folks thats right 20,000 MORE of the SAME! Plumb for that fresh new feeling. I would be surprised if you don't actually feel it too. Keep searching. Find that feeling? Nah? Well, i can break it down to you in a single word: catastrophic imperial over-reach and collapse Victory! Perhaps the Science of Mathematics can shed some light on the new bumblers, numbers (numb?) leaking from the Blight House.
If a troop surge of "up to 20,000 additional soldiers for up to 18 months" is all Young Master W Nuthin but one great big Fuckupathon Mr. Bush feels is needed to turn this mess Iraq around (stave off disaster till '08 when the Dems can inherit the wind), then things are indeed far better than the 'Liberal Media' has tried to mislead you to believe. Lets do the math together shall we? Presently, we (sic) have 140,000 troops 'in
theater' (sic)(without counting the corporate mercenary population, and seriously who wants too?). An increase of "Up to 20k" represents a troop strength (sic) increase of ONLY 10-15% of the existing force projection of boots on the ground. Ten to Fifteen Percent !!! This must mean that according to Darth Dick Cheney, we (sic) must presently have 85-90% of the optimal (sic), desirable (sic) troop strength (sic) and by corollary, we (sic) must
also be presently achieving 85-90% of the intended imperial objectives! If this piddly-tiddly 'troop surge' of less than 15% is all we (sic) need to finally get over the top, I don't know about you, but I had NO IDEA we (sic) were SO CLOSE to SUCCESS!!! (sic) There! Don't you feel better?!!
You see, things aren't nearly as bad as you thunked. The troops are almost home free(sic)! The next 18 months will pass in the blink of an eyatolla! It is true we will likely see more Coalition (sic) fatalities, likely in excess of 5,000 dead US Service Persons. Also, there will by then be a collateral damage (sick!) total in EXCESS OF ONE MILLION DEAD IRAQIS. The good news is if the roadmap stays on track (?!?), all our shell-shocked proud (surviving
and ambulatory) boys and girls will be back home again, just in time to vote CHENEY BUSH in '08! Of course, this is if and only if they can pull the lever with their new prosthetic arms! Hurrayyy!!!! Too bad the GOP cut the Veterans Benefits, but dudn't warm yer cockles?? !!! I know i feel something. . . something wet.
But wait, more news of our triumphs (sic) await! This JUST IN!: The Iraqi 'Government' (sic) is now opening up long term oil contracts to foreign (American) oil companies, where 70% of profits will go to the (American) oil companies. This, until the infrastructure of extraction (oppression) is paid for. Then, 20% of the prophets (sic) afterwards for a 30 year period (Folks, we are talking until the year 2038), which is DOUBLE the traditional prophet (sic)
sharing (sic) percentages in such oil contracts. The Iraqi people know nothing about it! How fawking cool is dat?
Is it as cool the the fresh and newly opened Somalian Front, in The War In Error?, the ever expanding Forever War, now, In a New Continent! Is it as cool as a well deserved THIRD Reich TERM for Dick and GeeDub, Our (sic) IMPERIOUS (mis) LEADERS ?? These are excellent questions. Survey Says: It just might be! War is Big Business, but BOOTY, now that's what I'm talking about! Staggering silence though, in the major media...
and that should Change! We (sic) are an EMPIRE now (and we have long been)! Perhaps it is time to act like it. After all, Empires fall too, so we(sic) should enjoy it while we still can.
One lone Triumphal Arch is NOT ENOUGH! We(sic) need a Triumphal PETRODUCT!
From Lincoln Memorial to the Washington Monument, right up the middle of the Mall, and THROUGH the Capitol Building, all the way to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue AD! Fawck the Magna Carta! We (sic) RULE!
Woooooo-hooooo, and God bless Wasmerica*! No one deserves this like we do, not even us!
It is late at night, yet until tomorrow i remain,
from inside the collapsed caldera of an extinct volcano,
jonathan jay
afterwards, all bets are off.
* Wasmerica: "The Republic than Ain't . . . and Never Was" This fictional non-state which existed but briefly, and only in the the addled minds of TV-addicted late 20th century consumers. Programing such as: "Leave it to Beaver", "I Love Lucy", "My Three Soldiers", and "Patriarch Knows Best" encouraged the self-serving notion that somewhen in the recent past, things usta-be all
rosy, every day was Sunday, there was no such thing as race or class conflict, and the only wars we ever fought (only in defense, and always won) were 'The Good Wars.' This wistful way 'things used to be' is more appealing than your narcotic of choice, but of course, it is also: the way things never were. Hence the wishful word, 'Wasmerica.' Tee-time anyone?
Now, watch this drive!
PS.Another Fresh One - Parting Shot
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Troop Surge.
Troop Surge Who
Troop Surge You, Soldier! Your tour's been extended - Again!
(boy, is it drafty in here, or what!?)
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