by Bill Maher on 22 September 2006
Until we win World
War III and crush the evildoers in what our president calls a "struggle
for civilization" - all law enforcement people have to work on
THAT, and
not on busting Willie Nelson.
This week, Willie Nelson, whom Donald Rumsfeld calls the "number
two man in al-Qaeda" - was the victim of a pointless search that
revealed he had with him a mere pound and a half of marijuana and
a fifth of a pound of psychedelic mushrooms - or as Willie calls it,
breakfast.
That's right, cops in Louisiana pulled over his tour bus and searched
it based on probable cause, the probable cause being it contained
Willie Nelson. The Fuzz then hassled Willie, demanded he cut his hair
and shot Peter Fonda off his motorcycle. I mean, Louisiana, come on,
your state was under water a year
ago - if the man wants some of it for his bong, let him. Yes, he had
mushrooms - he's a hundred year old hippie, they were growing in his
hair.
Are we trying to send a message to other aging celebrities who might
be thinking about recreational drug use? Watch out, Wilfred Brimley.
Alberto Gonzales wants to know what you're sprinkling on your Quaker
Oats. Let us not forget the president's words - all twelve of them.
"This country," he said, "is in a fight against a lethal
enemy - spinach." Which, by the way, Willie also used to smoke,
but he gave it up around the time Bush got off the coke.
Everybody's got something. But if there's one drug above all we should
be cracking down on, it's oil. Oil is the addiction poisoning our
lungs, and our political system, and our foreign policy. Willie Nelson,
high though he might have been, was on a bus that didn't pollute anything,
because it runs on bio-diesel. But bio-diesel threatens the profits
of Big Oil, which means the only way we're ever going to legalize
pot in this country is to convince Bush and Cheney it's a petroleum
product. And it may be, since all my bongs have a carburetor.
Hemp is another product that threatens oil and timber profits, because
it has so many uses, like rope and bio-fuel and textiles. The Declaration
of Independence
is written on it. President Bush could use it to make another "Mission
Accomplished" banner.
If he could only accomplish a mission. But that's hard when you lose
focus.
Let's focus on defending America, and leave the singers and the medical
marijuana patients alone. Because, believe me, when you bite into
one of their special baked goods, in about 20 minutes you'll be saying,
"You're doing a heckuva job, brownie."
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